Too much TV?

When I sit down to spend some time in front of the TV, the purpose is quite clear, I want to relax or zone out or just wash the day off. I do not want to think, learn, discover or spend any energy whatsoever. As such, my taste in television programming is quite simple, it must be pointless (this is the most important characteristic), it must be funny, it must not contain any moral lessons, it must not make me feel a single emotion and it must be, well, entertaining. If it gives me hope that good will conquer over evil as well, I’ll allow it.

So, what fits into that criteria?

A lot of really stupid shows, a few sit-coms and a few silly crime shows (not serious crime shows like CSI or extra stupid crime shows like CSI Miami..seriously, when I heard the phrase “He’s got a pulse, quick give him CPR” I gave up on that one completely).

Right now, the crime TV  has taken over (Castle…it’s only Castle) and Hubby and I have been watching that quite frequently. But I’ve started to notice a few small side effects to this genre.

First, when I go to the beach (in February…yeah that’s right family, you are suffering through -27C and 40cm of snow and I’m at the beach), and there is something floating in the water, my first thought is “dead body” rather than “drift wood”.

Or, when I am at a childrens park with my kids and I see something hanging in a tree, my first thought is “dead body” rather than “some kids lost sweater”.

Basically, with my poor eyes, everything I can’t see clearly at first sight is “dead body”.

Second, when I’m out jogging and I hear gun shots (these were actual gunshots not my overzealous imagination; some dumbass hunter was a little too close to our park), my first thought is that if I get hit with a stray bullet, I’d better send a text message to my husband to tell him asap what happened so that when the hunters come to “cover up” their mistake and kill me and then hide the body, Hubby knows to keep digging.

I may be going out on a limb here saying that that may not be what typical people call normal thoughts.

Third, I’m now suspicious of everything, and I mean everything…nothing is what it seems, everyone is lying and it’s all just a big conspiracy. I’m also terrified of ever being alone and having no alibi for whatever crime someone is going to frame me for. It’s exhausting living in this constant state of fear. Also, just to please O, when I went to bed last night, there was something scary creeping along in the hallway, and I started to freak out so Hubby turned on the light (smart man) and it turned out to be a fly.

So with all these insights, changes in my mental state, and complete exhaustion from living in a constant state of fear, will I stop watching crime TV? Probably not, Castle is a really good show.



What a four year old takes away from a movie

My kids don’t watch a lot of television, hold on, let me finish, what I mean is, they don’t watch a lot of actual broadcast television. We have however trained them to sit quietly during an 8 hour transatlantic flight by helping them develop a healthy appetite for all things cinema.

In the beginning, my son had two movies, well two sets of movies, Cars and Toy Story, and that was all we watched for months. After nearly losing our minds, we tried to find ways to extend his interest level. It was coincidentally around this time that we discovered what I call French Netflix. Naturally, the actually French offering is multiple words long with about 2 dozen syllables -so French Netflix it will remain, at least in this verbally economic household.

Since having French Netflix (which we tried to reduce further to Fretflix, but abandoned shortly thereafter), we have managed to get Crazy to start watching a much larger variety of films. But, they were all animated. I am not opposed to cartoons, but in 60 m2, when the television is on, no matter where you are, you hear it, and in more than half our little home, you see it, so eventually, it would be nice to see actual human beings on the tv.

We tried a few actual people movies at Christmas, Home Alone was a colossal fail, as it was far too terrifying for our four year old. The two year old however was killing herself laughing as the bad guys were getting hurt left, right,and centre – I am still not too sure if I should be worried. We tried the Santa Clause trio, which went over okay, but were never requested.

But now we have found an actual human movie that Crazy likes, a trilogy in fact, and as of this morning, he has asked for it. The only reason we are not ecstatic is because when he asked for it, he said, and I quote (well sort of, half the sentence came out in French) “can we watch I want to flush your poop 1?”

During a two hour long movie (so roughly the time it took Squishy to peel the orange she is now eating), he retained the only bathroom joke in the whole thing, and has decided to make it the title. He also let us know the sequel is called “Now picking your nose 2”.

A virtual high five to anyone who can find the actual movie title.

FYI, we are okay

So, I just want to give a shout out to all those back home (which is kind of weird to say given that I am currently in my native land) to let you know, we made it okay. Sorry I haven’t emailed, texted, face booked or anything. To ask your forgiveness, please find below a non personal group post to catch you up on our holidays.

The kids survived the 18 hours of traveling wonderfully, and even got a few compliments from other tired travellers who were surprised that our children didn’t scream for 8 straight hours. Squishy did lose it while we were waiting for our car at the rental counter. She totally freaked out and the only thing that could calm her down was for her to sit in her car seat, that was sitting on the floor, strapped in,  and covered with her blanket.

I am also proud to say that I only had one meltdown myself, it was in traffic leaving the airport in Ottawa. Seriously, after being up for nearly 20 hours straight, the last thing you want to do is sit in traffic. In fact, I never like traffic, it is a stupid concept, whomever invented it should be shot. Okay, okay, I know no one invented it, but whomever decided to keep building houses and offices, BUT, not to build new roads should never ever be allowed in office again. Also, people who don’t get actively involved in politics and/or vote regularly, probably shouldn’t be allowed an opinion.

So, we have been enjoying a lovely Canadian autumn with blue skies, leaves of all colours and about 10 degrees less than what we are accustomed to. We have generally been doing a whole lot of nothing, which is exactly what I was hoping for. We get up slowly, and we watch a little TV, by the way, my mom has now got us hooked on Homeland which I totally recommend, we play outside, we wander about and just generally “chill”, at times in all possible meanings of the word.

We have been enjoying the preparations for a real Halloween, which even involved sewing a Halloween costume. I won’t pretend to be some super mom who makes costumes from scratch, I just had to replace a zipper on a sweet little tiger costume for Squishy.

I also had an interesting and unexpected surprise. My aunt decided a few months ago to stop colouring her hair and to go au naturale, and I decided shortly there after to do the same. It has been months of having a very distinct “bowl” sitting on my head where the real colour was coming in. Yesterday, I cut it all off, and for those of you who are in the know, no I didn’t do it myself this time, I had a professional take care of it, so both sides are once again the same length. So now, for the first time in years, I saw my reflection with my real hair colour, it was kind of weird. Also, my dads girlfriend looked at me and said “what happened?” with a look that really meant “did your head catch on fire?”, so be warned, it is short, and I expect all of you to lie to my face and tell me it looks terrific.

And that is about all, jet lag is happily behind us after kicking us in the ass for a solid three or four days, and the gods of shittiness decided to give Crazy and I a cold which made the jet lag all that more fun. So now we have a solid week of not wanting to murder each other before we do the 18 hours of traveling and jet lag all over again, yay!

Miss you, and see you all soon!