I have some serious issues when it comes to teeth, and it was only this last week or so that I started to really understand just how out of control and weird my obsession with teeth is.
I should have seen it earlier, the signs were there, but the total meltdown that took me out last weekend was what finally made it impossible to ignore. Now I know I have frequent meltdowns that range from random anger to uncontrollable tears, but this meltdown different, it was bedridden and unable to move for a solid 24 hours, okay, sure I had the flu and a sinus infection too, but it wasn’t just that.
Let’s rewind a little bit to bring some context to the weirdness. My two front teeth are tiny and are spaced so far apart that when I ate corn on the cob as a kid, there were always full kernels left on the cob at random spots. I hated that gap. Next to those tiny gapped teeth are two vampire fangs. I hated those fangs.
When I was 16, I got to sit in a dentists chair for about 2 hours while they put what felt like silly putty that they then hardened on my teeth to bring them to their present day almost normal looking shape. The rumour is, I smiled a buttload more after that day. Oddly, I still have what my parents call the jag on the bottom – a random baby tooth I never lost that is sharp and pointy – and yet that tooth doesn’t bother me.
About a month after moving in with Hubby, the first signs of my insanity came through when I broke one of my front teeth eating a frozen yogurt on a stick (FYI, I haven’t had one since). Seeing my gap again sent me into a full on weirdo fit. We found an emergency dentist who pretty much glued my tooth back on and I went on with my life. My complete and total over reaction to that broken tooth should have sent me flying to therapy, but instead, I bottled it up for a few more years.
As a karmic slap in the face, the genetic mutation that caused my funky-ass teeth got passed to my son, except times a million. Crazy will only ever have 6 teeth of his own and four of them are pointy mothers. The first two pointy teeth pushed through about a year ago, and what I didn’t realise at the time was just how messed up I was and just how hard I would find it. I tried not to care because, well goodness, Crazy is so freaking awesome. But, I cried the time at the super market when a kid pointed at him and yelled to his mother, “look, there is the kid from my school with the pointy teeth” and I barely choked back the tears when he told me the big kids at his school told him had vampire teeth. I did however laugh a little when the principal told me that the little autistic boy in his class (whom my son strangled on the first day of school, but that’s a story for another time) told him he had scary teeth. I mean really, what can you do in that situation?
But, now, at age 4, a full, 12 years before me, my son got to sit in the dentists chair, have a silly putty like substance put on top of his teeth, and hardened. An hour later (sorry to the Google family for making the dentist late for your appointment) my son walked out with beautiful square teeth, with a little gap between them. I think he looks beautiful, and he is so proud, he shows absolutely everyone he sees. He even brushes his teeth for at least ten minutes twice a day because, “when you have square teeth, you need to brush them more” his words, not mine.
Last weekend, I laid in bed because I hated the world that would be hard on my son, but today, I thank the dentist who was just freaking awesome and allowed Crazy to have at least one less thing about him that is different. Tomorrow I will consider working on putting a little perspective on this whole teeth situation, but right now, I will just enjoy the happy moment.