Stuff my dad writes

So I got this email from my dad today:

“I’ve recently discovered that since adopting my time saving, quick button pressing procedure on the microwave I have been gaining weight. So in an effort to remain healthy I have reverted to the multiple hand moving method. I tell you this as a caution that if you do/did follow my lead, you do so at your own peril. You may save time now but your life could be considerably shortened.”

Emails like this are why I love my dad. First, this email came with the subject line “Christmas exchange” because my dad has never actually sent/started/written an email, he has only ever replied to them. Sometimes I wonder if he knows where the “new” button is on his email application or if he would ever write me again if I were to change my email account and text him the new address.

Second, I may be his daughter but after 34 years of existence, I am never quite sure he is kidding, which makes me laugh more.

Third, this email refers to item number 13 of this post. My father has been proclaiming for years (yes, years) that he is saving so much time by microwaving things for 33 seconds instead of 30, because he moves his fingers less–this time saving action was also originally communicated to me in a similar type of email.

Fourth, I know that one of his other time saving techniques is to copy and paste the same email to all his kids rather than write each of us individualized emails, so I know brother and sister bear have got it too and we can collectively laugh about it the next time we are together.

Finally, I think my dad has a long distance instinct, he knows when these are the exact kind of emails I need.

So if you read this dad (which would only happen if he finds an old email where I have provided him the link because I am not sure he is an avid user of bookmarks either) please don’t ever change.




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