I am stuck in a rut right now, a rut of frustration, and everything makes me angry. I started this blog when I was in this exact same state; I was intending to write to help release some of this frustration onto the unsuspecting readers of the internet, rather than the unfortunate souls around me. In the last few days, I started at least three drafts of angry posts, but I wasn’t able to finish them and I couldn’t understand why. So I did a little soul searching and learned a lot about myself.
First, I want to be happy, I don’t want to dwell on the unpleasant. This surprised the (pick your favorite four letter word) out of me. Because I tend to plan for the “worst case scenario” in all situations at all times people, including myself, tend to think I am a very negative person. I can be quite creative when I start to consider the what ifs of a situation and I go to great lengths to avoid the most improbable outcomes.
Second, I discovered I have no interest in trying to make other people feel angry and frustrated, which again surprised me. I really thought I was part bitter old lady who likes to spread unhappiness on the world.
Finally, when I dove deep into my psyche, I landed on the dominant reason why I didn’t finish those angry posts. I am just not ready to expose to the world my real level of tolerance for other people/things. This would make me look bad, and I’m far too vain.
So the conclusion, I want to be happy and we’ll just leave it at that.