I want to be happy

I am stuck in a rut right now, a rut of frustration, and everything makes me angry.  I started this blog when I was in this exact same state; I was intending to write to help release some of this frustration onto the unsuspecting readers of the internet, rather than the unfortunate souls around me. In the last few days, I started at least three drafts of angry posts, but I wasn’t able to finish them and I couldn’t understand why. So I did a little soul searching and learned a lot about myself.

First, I want to be happy, I don’t want to dwell on the unpleasant.  This surprised the (pick your favorite four letter word) out of me.  Because I tend to plan for the “worst case scenario” in all situations at all times people, including myself, tend to think I am a very negative person.  I can be quite creative when I start to consider the what ifs of a situation and I go to great lengths to avoid the most improbable outcomes.

Second, I discovered I have no interest in trying to make other people feel angry and frustrated, which again surprised me.  I really thought I was part bitter old lady who likes to spread unhappiness on the world.

Finally, when I dove deep into my psyche, I landed on the dominant reason why I didn’t finish those angry posts.  I am just not ready to expose to the world my real level of tolerance for other people/things.  This would make me look bad, and I’m far too vain.

So the conclusion, I want to be happy and we’ll just leave it at that.


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