I am proud to admit, or not ashamed to admit that Hubby and I are Die Hard fans. On Saturday we purchased the new release of the fifth Die Hard, in France these things happen later than in North America, so yes, for us, it is a new release. We took the kids out Saturday night, so that they would be nice and tired and go to bed early on Sunday, leaving Hubby and I the time to watch an “adult” movie from beginning to end in one sitting. After having kids, please note that an adult film refers to pretty much anything not animated. In hindsight, my last bout of insomnia on Sunday may have been due to the overexposure to awesomeness* .
For those of you who don’t fully grasp why these movies are so great, here is my list of reasons why I wish my life was a little more like Die Hard.
1. John is invincible, self healing, and an unending source of energy
Over a never more than twelve hour time period, this man is shot, blown up, Kung fued, thrown out of buildings and at the end of the movie, he is a little bit dirty and occasionally has a slight limp, but it doesn’t last, and all of this without ever eating. I spend Wednesdays with my kids alone, by the end of the day, I probably look like I have actually been in a Die Hard movie. I would love to be able to get them up, fed and dressed, entertain them, clean up after them, get them to sleep in the afternoon, do a little housework, and not feel like I have been run over by a steam roller.
2. Horseshoes in spades
Sure, John has a wicked case of wrong place, wrong time*, but he also clearly has his own overflowing stash of horseshoes, four leaf clovers, unspent birthday wishes and rabbits feet, although I have never understood how the amputation of a poor bunny can possibly bring luck. That first car he looks at just happens to be unlocked, and the keys are in the ignition, that small little pillar he is standing behind shields him from the unexpected explosion, and he just happens to kill the one terrorist that is carrying all the detonators.
My wish come true day would start with my kids sleeping until AT least my alarm goes off, then while Squishy is throwing around her breakfast, I would manage to matrix myself out of the way and go to work with clean, drool free clothes. Then, I would find a new road to work that no one else knows about cutting my commute from 40 minutes to 15. Everything in the office would work as it was intended, this includes, but is not limited to my computer and all the programmes installed on said computer, the coffee machine, the water fountain, my co-workers and of course the infamous office printer. All my meetings would start on time, and finish early and my boss would give me a list of actions that were of course possible for a single individual.
3. A world with no consequences
No matter what happens, how much shit he explodes, how many things he steals or how many people he kills, in foreign countries even, John gets to go home to his life when it is all over. He gets to react without thinking and nothing happens to him.
Okay, I am in no way eager to go on a killing spree, at least not at this immediate moment, but wouldn’t it be awesome to do whatever you want and not have to worry about the messiness afterwards. I would eat Oreos for breakfast every morning without doubling the size of my ass, and drink as much coffee as I want without getting the shakes. I would also occasionally ditch all my responsibilities without warning and spend the entire day watching movies…probably Die Hard.
4. I would like to be a hero, just once
I do love when my kids look up at me like I am the most wonderful thing since sliced bread, but how great would it be to be a real life hero, where you save the country from a meltdown, or a bunch of school kids from terrorists. That’s gotta give your life meaning.
I did always want to do something with my life that really impacted humanity, but instead I made choices toward getting a steady income and reasonable working hours. I guess for now, I will just have to settle for being Super Mom, which isn’t some congratulatory pat on the back for my awesome parenting skills but is more a costume I put on to play with my kids.
5. I felt the list should have five things, but really there are only four.
* hats off to anyone who can place the obscure quotes.