I have had insomnia for as long as I have had memories, I didn’t even realize it was an issue as I was so used to it until I moved in with Hubby. When we follow the same bedtime routine which is rare, we get up from the couch/table/floor or wherever, brush our teeth and go to bed. This rarely happens because just the idea of going to bed wakes me up, I start doing things, random things that I could have easily done during the day, or unimportant things that could be done the next day. There is one small difference between Hubby and I in our respective routines, I floss my teeth every night and Hubby doesn’t. It takes what, a minute to floss your teeth, and by the time I get into bed, approximately one minute after Hubby, he is already asleep.
At first I thought this behaviour was very strange, you put your head on your pillow, close your eyes, and that’s it? That can’t be healthy.
Lying in my bed, in the dark, with my eyes closed, is like the turning the ignition to the insane part of my brain, that I spend the better part of the day suppressing. In the time it takes a normal person to fall asleep, and by normal, I mean Hubby, my mind has skipped through 10 different random thoughts and then suddenly I’ll stop jumping and wonder how the hell did I get here thinking about a taxidermy mouse? (f.y.e. http://thebloggess.com/)
I have of course tried a number of sleep aids, but none of them worked. When I tried warm milk, my thoughts still raced, then about an hour after going to bed, I would have to pee. While in the bathroom, I would see that hole in the wall that I had plastered a month ago and still had not sanded down. I would be left with the choice of either sanding it down right then and there, or not sleeping for another hour thinking about it.
I tried stretching or yoga, and that worked in my teens, but now in my slightly more than teens, the stretching just leaves me sore and uncomfortable, and the calm relaxing meditation part is just not possible anymore, now that I live in 700 square feet with 3 people (don’t you just love the south of France).
I tried sleeping pills, but that had some major side effects, in particular they totally effed up my central nervous system. I would be too hot, then suddenly too cold, then my shoes would be too tight, but wait, I am not wearing shoes and no position was comfortable, except maybe downward facing dog, but only for ten seconds.
I have even tried to do brain teasers at night hoping to tire out my brain, so it would just shut off, but I’m also a little obsessive compulsive, so once I started something, I would have to finish it, and that became much much worse.
Total physical exhaustion doesn’t work either, I can fly overseas with two children, drive multiple hours, be totally jet lagged, fall into bed at 5 am “my time” and as soon as I close my eyes, my first thought will be, oh shit, did I lock the front door before I left?
Anyway, sleep has eluded me yet again tonight, so instead of staring at the ceiling as per my usual habit, I decided to share my sleeplessness, in the hope that talking about it might make it go away.
Update: I wrote most of this last night, and posted it today (or tomorrow, depending on how you look at it) and I just thought it should be noted that talking about it did not help.