When mom is happy, everyone is happy

I honestly didn’t believe it, and still don’t entirely, I think it’s true for any part of the family unit, but one thing is sure, when mom is on the brink of a total meltdown, nobody is happy.

I am a little ashamed at just how far I had let myself spiral out of control before taking back a grip on myself, my family was in chaos, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it wasn’t pretty, I was starting to get a little out of control at work and had abandoned all but the pushiest of my friends.

What is really amazing is how I didn’t notice how shitty I felt until I started feeling better again, and all for something kind of stupid, a sinus infection. I didn’t even notice it come on, but in December…yes over six months ago, I first went to the doctor for extreme fatigue. Given that I had a three year old and an infant at home, no one, including the doctor and myself thought much about it. He ran some blood tests and gave me some vitamins and sent me on my way. I was still sleeping about 10 hours a night, and having trouble making it through the day without a nap, which was super shitty timing because Crazy had decided he wasn’t going to nap anymore.

So…as you know when it rains it pours, my other doctor, the lady parts doctor suggested I change my birth control to get my acne covered skin under control. I really should have trusted my instincts on this one and said screw it if I’m ugly, at least I am sane. Pretty much at the speed of light I turned into a hidoues version of myself who hated everything, including my family and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day long, also because I was still ridiculously tired.

Being a bit of a fool however, I just hadn’t noticed how bad it got until Crazy drove me to tears everyday for a week straight. Then, something snapped and I found for a breif moment the energy and the courage to take my life back. This may seem like nothing looking at from this side of the looking glass, but when you are in wonderland nothing makes sense. Step 1, I stopped taking the new pills and went back to one that didn’t turn me into mr Hyde. Step 2 I went to the doctor and stayed until he made me feel not tired. So after lots of questions and investigations he determined my allergies weren’t allergies, my headaches weren’t just stress and my tired wasn’t just preschool age children at home and an insane workload at work. I had an easy to cure, simple infection that was totally screwing with my life. So now, three days into my antibiotics treatment and one week back on the good pill, I feel human again for the first time in nearly a year, and man, it feels awesome.

As a side effect, I am calmer with my kids, and they are calmer with me, my workload seems a little more manageable, and I haven’t used the words, “I hate the world” in even one sentence today, oddly this makes people more inclined to spend time with me….weird.

Crazy is awesome

Crazy is one of those kids that make other parents think that I am in fact crazy, and that’s what makes him awesome.

Last weekend I took Crazy to a skatepark, and I have no idea if that is in fact a word, we live in France and this is what they call it here.  I’m growing too used to English words being used in French  in ways that make absolutely no sense, such as restaurants advertising a “Fooding Experience” or stores that advertise their “Hard Discount” pronounced of course “ard discoont”.  Anyway, a skatepark a la Francaise, is a park where pre-teens and teens go to ride their bikes, skateboards or whatever device they choose over ramps, and through half pipes and what not.

Crazy is three and LOVES to ride his bike (without training wheels) through this same park.  It doesn’t really bother me when he does this, I am in fact more impressed than anything, because I am far too terrified to do some of the things he does.  And sure he falls, but kids fall and he gets back up and back to it as if nothing has happened.   This is the part where parents look at me like I’m the crazy one.  On Saturday he went head of handle bars after missing the bottom of the ramp by a few inches.  Three or four parents gasped like the sky was falling and came running to check on him.  I wandered over casually while continuing to read my blackberry, he of course was not crying and had this kind of “THAT WAS AWESOME” excited look on his face.  I help him up, straightened his helmet and sent him on his way again.

The other parents looked at me like I was completely out of my mind as I sauntered back, still reading my blackberry to where I had been standing.  A few minutes later, in what I assume was an attempt to do the same thing, he didn’t quite make it head OVER handle bars, but instead head INTO handle bars.  Again, he didn’t cry, again all of the parents gasped like the world was ending and I casually walked over.  This time he split his lip and was bleeding ever so slightly; we cleaned him and off he went again.  By this point, parents were staring at me like I’m a total nutjob for letting my three year old have fun like this.

About ten minutes later while trying and failing for the third or fourth time to make it up a ramp, he broke down and started crying.  The other parents looked at me again, because they couldn’t understand why the little guy started crying when nothing else seemed to bother him.  While he can handle and even ENJOY flying off his bike in ways that terrify most sane people, poor little Crazy, much like myself just can’t handle frustration.  So we went home.  I may have dreamed it, but I’m pretty sure I heard the other parents applauding.