I honestly didn’t believe it, and still don’t entirely, I think it’s true for any part of the family unit, but one thing is sure, when mom is on the brink of a total meltdown, nobody is happy.
I am a little ashamed at just how far I had let myself spiral out of control before taking back a grip on myself, my family was in chaos, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it wasn’t pretty, I was starting to get a little out of control at work and had abandoned all but the pushiest of my friends.
What is really amazing is how I didn’t notice how shitty I felt until I started feeling better again, and all for something kind of stupid, a sinus infection. I didn’t even notice it come on, but in December…yes over six months ago, I first went to the doctor for extreme fatigue. Given that I had a three year old and an infant at home, no one, including the doctor and myself thought much about it. He ran some blood tests and gave me some vitamins and sent me on my way. I was still sleeping about 10 hours a night, and having trouble making it through the day without a nap, which was super shitty timing because Crazy had decided he wasn’t going to nap anymore.
So…as you know when it rains it pours, my other doctor, the lady parts doctor suggested I change my birth control to get my acne covered skin under control. I really should have trusted my instincts on this one and said screw it if I’m ugly, at least I am sane. Pretty much at the speed of light I turned into a hidoues version of myself who hated everything, including my family and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day long, also because I was still ridiculously tired.
Being a bit of a fool however, I just hadn’t noticed how bad it got until Crazy drove me to tears everyday for a week straight. Then, something snapped and I found for a breif moment the energy and the courage to take my life back. This may seem like nothing looking at from this side of the looking glass, but when you are in wonderland nothing makes sense. Step 1, I stopped taking the new pills and went back to one that didn’t turn me into mr Hyde. Step 2 I went to the doctor and stayed until he made me feel not tired. So after lots of questions and investigations he determined my allergies weren’t allergies, my headaches weren’t just stress and my tired wasn’t just preschool age children at home and an insane workload at work. I had an easy to cure, simple infection that was totally screwing with my life. So now, three days into my antibiotics treatment and one week back on the good pill, I feel human again for the first time in nearly a year, and man, it feels awesome.
As a side effect, I am calmer with my kids, and they are calmer with me, my workload seems a little more manageable, and I haven’t used the words, “I hate the world” in even one sentence today, oddly this makes people more inclined to spend time with me….weird.